When I was a very young woman, I would often go to daily Mass. One day while at Mass, saw a man, who looked to be in his early thirties, in desperate need of help. He was thin, unshaven, shaky, and wearing a terribly wrinkled suit. The suit looked as if he had slept in it – maybe for days. What struck me about the man most though was the expression on his face as he approached the side altar after Mass. He almost ran to the altar and fell on his knees with a look of agony on his face. I wondered what circumstances had brought him to this point. Was it alcohol? Was it the loss or illness of a loved one or some despicable act on his own part? I never knew. But, I saw the man on several occasions over the years that followed, always in a church. I did not see him on a regular basis, but often enough that I thought about him more often than I saw him. I began to notice that as time when on, he changed. He became a clean, happy looking man - full of confidence. There was something else that appeared. On his face I saw gratitude and humility. Had someone told me that I could come to know and understand the emotions that drove this man to throw himself before God in such a pleading and pitiful way, I would have thought it ridiculous. I was a born Catholic with the confidence that comes from knowing you are a loved child of God. I thought I would spend my life helping and praying for others. I did not know that I too would struggle with myself and life. Now, I recognize the truth of transformation in my own life that must mirror his. Perhaps my ruin was not as obvious as his. I was never dirty or ill kept looking – at least on the outside, oh, but on the inside I was! I struggled with loss of love, loss of self esteem and my own weaknesses until I knew and understood my own ability to sin and feel separated from goodness and love. These realities taught me many lessons as I fought my way though them, especially about the infinite mercy of God and the tender love of Jesus for sinners. I know now no sinner need ever feel unloved or unwanted. In my darkest hour I too finally knelt at the foot of the cross and understood the great truth. Jesus paid that price for each and every one of us. He wants no one to be lost. No matter what our past, our future can be bright. I look up and see the sun shining in the sky and think of it as a promise of hope for my life. I have let go of self condemnation and moment by moment kneel before the cross in spirit. My face is turned toward God and in this I am given all I need. A full measure, shaken down and overflowing, given in love. The ring of salvation for my finger and the cloak of truth around me as protection are given to me, even as to the prodigal son. In God, I have found true sanctuary from the storms of life.
